Advice From Lukman To His Son

Some commentary on these verses from Tafseer Ibn Katheer.

About Lukman there are different interpretation about him. He was most likely a righteous man of African descent and was a distinguished man among his people. There were three probabilities of where he came from. He was either from the area of Ethophia (Habshah), Nuba (south of Egypt) or Sudan. He was believed to live during the time of Prophet Dawuud (AS).

12. And indeed We bestowed upon Lukman Al-Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: "Give thanks to Allah," and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his own self. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All-Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

13. And (remember) when Lukman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

*Verse 13 informed us to obey and worship Allah and not to associate anything with Him. Shirk or making partner with Allah is a great transgression.

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination.

*From verse 14 Allah (SWT) make it a significant obligation to take good care of our parents which come right after the order of worshipping Him and not making Shirk.

(Children need to be reminded of how hard it is for the parents especially the mother to take care of them, especially when they were small and helpless).

15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

*From verse 15, we need to treat the children with kindness while asking them to treat us with kindness. We ourselves have to show kindness to our parents at all times even if they asked you to disobey Allah’s order.

16. "O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed , and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).

*From verse 16, we need to emphasize to the children that even small deeds, good or bad will receive its reward or punishment and all will be brought out by Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgment. This will encourage them to pay extra attention to and be more careful of the consequences of their behavior.

17. "O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (offer prayer perfectly), enjoin (people) for Al-Ma’ruf - (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

*Verse 17. Lessons here include encouraging children to make salah on time. Keeping in mind that we, the parents are PRIME examples. Making the salah according to what is prescribed by the Prophet SAW. Encouraging them to do good and forbid evil to the best of their ability and be patient while doing this because not everybody will respond positively to them and some people may make fun of them instead, so it is best to remind them of this often.

18. "And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

*Verse 18. Encourage them to have good manners. To be gentle, helpful, and to treat people with respect. Be humble and avoid arrogance.

19. "And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass."

*Verse 19. Teach them not to walk with pride, not to walk too fast or too slow and do not raise their voices unless it is necessary.

Children In The Masjid

Nowadays, it is unfortunate that in many masjids both brothers and sisters are annoyed at the presence of children. A cry from a baby or a roaming toddler can sometimes illicit a rude comment. As always, our best example is the prophet (saws). These hadith illustrate the prophet (saws) attitude at the presence of children in the masjid.

The Messenger of Allah (saws) came out to us for one of the two later prayers (dhuhr or asr), carrying Hasan or Hussein. The Prophet (saws) then came to the front and put him down (next to his right foot) said takbir for the prayer and commenced praying. During the prayer, he performed a very long prostration, so I raised my head and there was the child, on the back of the Messenger of Allah (saws), who was in prostration. I then returned to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah (saws) had offered the prayer, the people said: 'O Messenger of Allah! in the middle of your prayer, you performed prostration and lengthened it so much that we thought either something had happened or that you were receiving revelation!' He said: 'Neither was the case. Actually, my son made me his mount, and I did not want to hurry him until he had satisfied his wish.'" (Reported by Nasaa'i, Ibn Asaakir, and Haakim).

"He (the Prophet (saws)) was praying. When he performed sajdah, Hasan and Hussein jumped onto his back. When the people tried to stop them, he gestured them to leave the two alone. After offering his prayer, he placed them in his lap and said, 'Whoever loves me should love these two.'"

(Reported by Ibn Khuzaimah and Baihaqi).

"The Messenger of Allah (saws) was praying and he was carrying Umama the daughter of Zainab, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, and she was the daughter of 'As ibn Rabi'a ibn Abdu-Shams. When he prostrated, he put her down, and when he stood, he carried her (on his neck)."

(Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

"The Prophet (saws) said: 'When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child's mother.'" (Reported by Bukhari)

Encouraging Children To Pray

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-Asr, narrated that the Apostle of Allah (saw) said, "Command your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." (Abu Dawud)

1.     Informal teaching should start when child starts to show interest usually occurs around the age of two.

2.     Let them pretend to make salah.

3.     Invite them to pray along side and join the family jemaah prayer.

4.     The next step is to learn al-Fatihah which should begin around the age of three or four. Break down the instructions by using reasonable number of verses or small segments.

5.     The practice session should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age consistency is more important than length of practice.

6.     Important to remember that not all children are ready at the same time and that not everyday will the child be ready to learn new materials.

7.     Educational products can assist parents in achieving success with their children because children generally learn in different ways therefore introduction of material through different format (video, coloring book, going to the masjid) will help ease and reinforce the learning process.

8.     One of the most important thing that a parent should do is to praise the child for each accomplished task and encouragement to achieve more success.

Being Fair and Just with Our Children

The Messenger of Allah (saws), also said: "Treat your child equally, treat your child equally, treat your child equally." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Ibn Hibban)

Al-Nu'man ibn Bashir said: "My father conferred upon me a slave as a gift. He took me to Allah Messenger (saws), to get a witness. The Messenger of Allah said, 'Have you given a gift to every son of yours such as you have awarded Al-Nu'man?' He my father said, 'No.' The Messenger of Allah said, 'Be mindful of your obligation to Allah and do justice in respect of your children.' My father came back and revoked his gift." (Agreed upon)

Usama bin Zaid (ra) narrated: Allah Messenger (saws) used to put me on (one of) his thighs and Hasan bin Ali on his other thigh, and then embraced us and said: "O Allah! Please be Merciful to them, as I am merciful to them." (Bukhari)

Family Restaurants

Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.

In recent years there has developed among some Muslim families and Muslim women a phenomenon, which is alien to the conservative Islamic society which seeks to protect women and their modesty. This is the phenomenon of going to "family restaurants" or restaurants which have a "family section."

When we look at this through the lens of sharee’ah and take into account what is actually happening, we will realize that there are a number of serious shar’iah reservations concerning this dangerous phenomenon, such as the following:

1.     The partitions to be found in many of these restaurants do not completely screen women in accordance with sharee’ah and conceal them from non-mahram men. This is either because the partition is too low; or it is raised from the floor so that it shows the women’s feet and calves; or it is too flimsy, making it possible to see some of the woman’s body; or it may have cut-away designs which let others see what is behind it through the holes of that design. Inside the family sections of these restaurants, there are often no partitions at all between the tables; the partitions are only between the section where men sit and the family section. No doubt this makes it possible for all the members of one family to look at any member of another family.

2.     It is well known that many of the women who sit in these family sections are careless about the proper Islamic Hijab; they show their faces, hair, feet and what is above their feet through the clothes with cut-away designs that they wear. Even in the case of women who wear hijab, most of them show their faces when eating, so if the partitions are of the type described above, then that which Allah has forbidden them to uncover will most certainly be seen.

3.     In most of these restaurants, the waiters – who are men – enter the sections where women sit, to take orders and bring plates of food. Not all of them are people who will ask permission to come in, and not all the woman are the type who will put their hijab on when the waiters keep on coming in. In fact, some women do not care about wearing hijab in front of certain nationalities to which most of the waiters in restaurants belong.

4.     These places have become the haunts of evil, immoral types who will get to know a girl then bring her to these places, saying that she is his wife. So these sections give free scope to everyone who wants to do haraam things.

5.     Some girls who live a luxurious life have started to have parties in these restaurants for their female friends from school or college on various occasions. It is well known that many of them do not adhere to correct hijab and that some of their guardians treat the matter lightly on the grounds that they are still young, although their number is so great as to cause considerable fitnah. So each driver takes this girl to the party in the family restaurant even though there is much evil involved in this.

6.     When we look at how much money is spent in these restaurants – especially since most of them charge high prices – we will become aware of the extravagance that is involved in eating in these restaurants, in addition to the fact that left-over food is usually thrown away, unlike what happens when people eat at home. Moderation – as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "is one of the twenty-four parts of Prophethood." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no.2010; it is a Sahih hadeeth).

7.     When women frequently go to family restaurants, this leads to them going out of their homes excessively for no reason. This goes against the command of Allah (interpretation of the meaning):

"And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…" [Qur'an al-Ahzab 33:33]

It is well known that the sharee’ah does not approve at all of women coming and going because of the negative consequences to which this leads, the greatest of which is the gradual wearing away of modesty.

8.     Food prepared at home is far cleaner and much more healthy than food cooked in restaurants, especially since we know that many of the cooks in so-called high-class restaurants are kuffaar who do not pay any attention to tahaarah and najasah (matters of purity and impurity). Often those who frequent restaurants come down with diarrhoea and food poisoning. More importantly, those who eat in these restaurants do not know what kind of meat is being used in the food – unlike food which is cooked at home, where a person can know exactly what goes into it.

For these and other reasons, the Muslim should protect his family from places of this sort and obey the command of Allah (interpretation of the meaning);

"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded" [Qur'an al-Tahreem 66:6].

Some people claim that these excursions are for the purpose of leisure and having a change of scene, and say that the woman’s husband or guardian will be with her, and that she will sit with her back to the door, and the waiters in the restaurant will ask permission before coming in, and that she will cover her face when they come in, and that she will be wearing complete hijab, or that the waiters will be women, and that there is no music in the restaurant, or that each family sits in a separate, closed room in the restaurant, and that they only go out once a month and it is not going to become a habit, and that the cost is moderate…

I do not want to make things too difficult when responding to this or refuting it, because in reality, even in these rare situations, there are still reservations. But what I say is: if we really want to be honest with ourselves and seek the truth, then I wonder, what will we find if we compare what really happens with these so-called precautions? What percentages of people really apply these precautions? Even if some good and exemplary people do that in some restaurants that meet these conditions, what will the general public make of this?

I do not deny the fact that sometimes necessity – not the laziness of the housewife –makes it necessary to buy food from restaurants, such as when travelling or in other circumstances. But there are solutions which do not involve us bringing our wives into these restaurants, such as using home delivery services or bringing tins and packets of food home, or staying in a hotel room and asking the women what they want from the menu or buffet. In general, resorting to restaurants when necessary is completely different from going there by choice or for leisure purposes.

We ask Allah to help us to protect our families and to help us to follow the truth and to guide us to the straight path. May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

Ameen.

Kids Listen To Our Every Deed

How many times have you told your kids to change their clothes/brush their teeth/do their homework/or anything else for that matter? There is really no right answer because there is really no limit to the number of times we have to ask our kids to do something.

For most of us, this is a normal part of our daily lives. We ask, and ask, and ask, and if we are lucky, our kids cooperate after the fourth request or after a loud but otherwise harmless scolding. We complain that our kids never listen to us; we ask other moms how they get their kids to behave, eat their vegetables, or go to sleep. We consult books and Internet sites at all hours on better childrearing and discipline and other parenting techniques. And still, our kids just don't listen.

But, they do observe. While we are yelling at them, they are watching us; while we argue with our husbands, they are watching; while we mutter curses under our breath at raging drivers, they are watching; and while we chat with our friends on the phone, they are watching us. If you have toddlers, you are beginning to see this already. You see them carrying on animated conversations on their battery operated toy cell phones. They pace around the house with their heads cocked, their little shoulders straining to hold up the fake phone with the blinking lights. Yup, our kids are watching our every move, even when they don't listen to one word.

The lessons they learn

The truth is that we shouldn't worry that our children never listen to us. Instead we should worry that they are always watching us. It is true. When we tell our kids to pick up their toys, they don't listen. We raise our voices, and they still ignore us. Then, we become irate and yell, and they have a temper tantrum or break down into a fit of tears. But not before they have taken careful note of our actions. In fact, every time we "tell" our kids to do something, we are teaching them a lesson. We are telling them to do one thing, but we are really showing them how to do something else. When we yell at them in anger, we are showing them how to get someone to listen to us. When we throw toys into the toy box or kick toys out of the way as we point our fingers, we are showing them how to display their anger.

And think about when you are driving your kids to school in the morning. A hurried driver cuts you off and you swerve to avoid getting side swiped. "Moron!" you yell, as you correct the wheel. You shrug it off and silently thank Allaah that nothing happened. Your kids in the back saw what happened. In these situations, we rarely explain to our kids that the other driver made a mistake by changing lanes without signaling or by turning right just as we crossed a green light. Instead, we show them how to handle such situations: curse and complain.

The lessons we want to teach

It is almost impossible to handle every situation of every day in a manner befitting for teaching our kids lessons. But if we are aware of the opportunities (and the impending dangers) of such situations, we can at least make the most out of as many situations as possible. For example, we know that disciplining our kids is one of the most challenging aspects of each day. And, during the course of a day's worth of disciplining, we find ourselves yelling, getting angry, scolding, and then usually seeking some sort of repentance for angry words or sentiments. If we could only see ourselves the way our kids probably do, we might learn a thing or two.

Well, obviously, we can't see ourselves and we can rarely stop ourselves in the midst of heat and anger, but we can prepare ourselves for these moments. If we can decide ahead of time what we want to teach our kids, we can create a sort of game plan for situations. For example, we want our kids to learn that they don't have to yell to be heard. So, the next time you ask your son to pick up his puzzle pieces and get ready for dinner, brace yourself. If you want him to understand that he needs to listen to you and comply, then figure out a way to get him to hear you. Ask him to look at you or get down on your hands and knees and start showing him how to pick up the pieces and put them in the box. Do anything but don’t yell or scream.

The lessons we learn

If we make a conscious effort to remember that our children are watching us, it will keep us in check. We will mind our manners, we will speak more soothingly, we will control our emotions, and ultimately we will see that, by our kids watching us, we are beginning to behave the way we want them to behave. In other words, it is a cycle that eventually trains parents and their children towards better behavior and emotional restraint. If we know that our kids are watching our every move, we will be mindful of our behavior and set an example with that behavior. Then, our kids will model that good behavior and essentially everyone wins.

Making promises is one of the issues that cause sticky situations for parents trying to model good behavior. Parents, from all parts of the world, have their own way of making, keeping and breaking promises. It is easy to make promises, and it is even easier to break them. Many times parents make promises on a whim and later find out that they didn't or couldn't keep to their word. Sometimes, they even forget altogether that they ever made the promise. How many times have you told your child, "Yes, yes, Inshaa’allaah (Allaah willing), I'll get you that­­____­_[fill in your own word] soon," just to keep your child quiet? The moment the words leave your lips, you should consider that promise cast in stone. A child promised a coveted prize/toy/trip will never forget that promise and will never let you forget it. Actually, quite sadly, many children roll their eyes when they hear their parents say "Inshaa’allaah" for fear that Inshaa'allaah really means "maybe" or "yeah, right" or a plain "no."

Much of our behavior depends on our intentions. If you really mean to get that toy for your son, then assure him that you will. If you don't plan on buying it, then be honest. A dishonest promise might grant you a few minutes of quiet shopping time, but in the end it will lead you further into the depths of your child's distrust. Leading children on with false promises is a guaranteed way to display behavior that your children will never forget and will probably mimic in their own adulthood.

In essence, we are designing our children's futures by our own behavior. Why perpetuate behavior in our children that we ourselves should not be harboring? Keeping in mind that our children are not only watching us but learning from us should be reason enough for us to change our behavior before it is cast in the stone of generations to come.

Why Do You (Women) Dress Like That

As a Muslim woman occasionally asked about manner of dress. She always try to give a friendly and informative answer, but often either she or the questioners are in a hurry, and they walk away as confused as ever. So allow me to share with you a bit about the Muslim woman's dress in this written form. 

 History

Women's covering like this did not begin with Muslims. Both the Torah and the New Testament instruct women to cover their heads. Consider images of Mary the mother of Jesus. She is always dressed exactly like Muslim women dress today! Practicing Jewish women still cover their heads, although they now do it with wigs instead of scarves, and some Christian sects like the Mennonites and Amish have also retained the head covering. In God's last revelation to mankind, the Qur'an, He also instructs women to cover their beauty. 

"Say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers..." (Qur'an An-Nur, 30-31)

What it Signifies:

Many Westerners associate this type of modesty with submission and the subjugation of women. The reason for this is two-fold. Firstly, they sometimes witness in the media truly oppressed Muslim women, who, ignorant of their own faith are treated poorly in the name of Islam by unscrupulous or equally uneducated men. Secondly, their own history and scriptures predispose them to this belief. Commonly called the "Eve complex" there is a school of thought in Christianity which blames Eve for Adam's sin of eating from the forbidden fruit. The Church's historical view of women as temptresses and soulless vessels of sexual evil is a result of this belief. Additionally Paul associates modesty on the part of women with submission to their husbands when he says in I Corinthians 11:3 "...the head of every women is the man....." But in Islam, although the husband is considered the leader of the family (as every organization has a leader), the two concepts of modesty and obedience are not linked as they were by Paul.

God says in the Qur'an that the believing women should "cast their garments over their persons (when abroad); that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Qur'an Al-Ahzab,59]

So Muslim woman's manner of dress is not a symbol of her submission to man, but rather a symbol of her belief in God. It was prescribed by God to protect women from co modification, objectification and sexualization, which occur when they display themselves to all, and sundry rather than reserving their beauty as something private and precious. 

Benefits:

The benefits of covering are many. A Muslim woman forces people to deal with her on a person-to-person level. She is known for her talents, intellect and personality only, not as "fat", "beautiful" or "a red-head". She maintains dignity at a time when women are constantly being treated in a sexually degrading manner- she is not sexually harassed or date raped. A Muslim woman retains the respect and reverence that Western women gave up when they began to mistakenly associate lack of modesty with equality and freedom. Muslim women also retain a healthy body image- young Muslim ladies don't suffer from anorexia or bulimia, spend countless hours on manipulative "beauty magazines" or countless dollars feeding a piranha-like beauty industry in an effort to gain the acceptance of a society that values youth and sex and unattainable perfection. Muslim women are comfortable with themselves, confident and dignified in their covering. 

Equality:

In the West the Women' Lib movement was greatly needed. But in reality such a movement was not necessary, because God granted women all the rights they fought for and even more, 1400 years ago. Islam guarantees women the right to be educated, to choose their own spouses, to initiate divorce, to work outside the home, to own property, to own a business and to keep any money earned for themselves if they so choose. Under Islamic law, women have always voted, held public office, participated in society, and spoken out if they disagree with leaders. Muslim women are also the only women anywhere guaranteed inheritance. 

The Face Veil:

At the time of the Prophet Mohammed (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), the "outer garments" with which the women covered themselves were sheet-like cloaks which covered everything, leaving only the eyes showing if necessary. There is a difference of opinion among Muslim scholars as to whether the face must then, by definition, be covered. I personally believe that in all matters the correct interpretation is that of the companions of the Prophet himself (peace be upon him) and the earliest scholars. By far most of them taught that the face must be covered. In my research of the Qur'an I also cannot see another interpretation! I am part of a growing movement of "modern", educated Muslim women who are striving to return to this spiritually uplifting practice. God willing it will then lose its reputation as being oppressive and will come to stand for faith, dignity and respect, as it originally did.